she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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