i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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