i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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