You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
