I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
