Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
