so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
