I cockslap morals
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
