Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
