The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
