It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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