There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
