I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
