Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
