I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize