My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
