We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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