he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
