Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
