Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
