Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
