I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize