She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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