Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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