yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
