its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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