Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
