Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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