I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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