God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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