im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
