goodnight i made you a song goodbye
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
