don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
