When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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