K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
