If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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