Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
