Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
