so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
