i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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