I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
