I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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