I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
