And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
