but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
