The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
