Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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