we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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