His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
