Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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