Fuck appropriateness.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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