Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
