Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
