maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
