I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
