mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize