it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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