Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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