I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
