left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
