Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
