but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize