Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
