worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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